I really don’t want to sound like a curmudgeon on the most unholy of holidays but hasn’t Halloween become almost completely neutered?…. And not in a scary, “I just cut your bloody balls off-neutered” but more like a “I’ve become a big, sloppy, sad sack of wuss-neutered”. It would all ramp up on “Devil’s Night” or “Mischief Night” or “Cabbage Night” or whatever the hell you called the night before Halloween. It was a certainty that a handful of houses or cars in the neighborhood were getting either toilet papered or burnt to the ground, depending on where you lived. If that wasn’t terrifying enough just wait until you got halfway through the school day wearing a Spic-N-Span costume with no arm holes and an itchy leotard with no pee-hole devised. Now we’re talking scary.
As I flip through the pages of the Halloween costume catalogs that pour in the mail I find myself angrily shaking my fist shouting, “Back in MY day we MADE our costumes from construction paper, hot glue and Grandmom’s make-up!” That said, the new costumes are fresh as hell. Professional stitching and fancy fabrics. It’s hard to compete…. or maybe I just peaked in 1985 with my black face/plastic jacket Michael Jackson costume being led door to door in Detroit by my Mom sporting the John Wayne Gacy of homemade Tweety Bird costumes. Once you hit that crucible of execution it is almost impossible to generate that kind of serotonin again on any All Hallows’ Eve.
In celebration of the glory days of Halloween I am sharing a few of my choice costumes. In addition I have collected some shots from Urlesque and Weird Tales Magazine to show us all how Halloween is supposed to be done. Share your own favorite childhood costumes on our Facebook page with the hashtag #HalloweenGloryDays or email us and we’ll show these young’uns how it’s done.
Could you make a more terrifying rendition of Tweety Bird if I paid you a cool million? …Stop it. The answer is not a chance in hell.
A human Beta tape, a box of Spic and Span and a cake with a beer walk into a bar……
I’ll do my best to dig up some more. Until then, check out this incredible collection of vintage costumes….